Isabel, God and Gratitude: and Honest Account of My Life.

(Cripps Hall Crowd- Like it Loud)

Okay. So i am yet to update the blog regarding my Ireland trip, my open day experience at SJ Berwin. I am procrastinating, as I do with much of everything.

I heard a couple of days ago that Isabel from Law School died of liver cancer. I am not sure whether naming her is such a good idea, but I believe she(or people who know her) has every right to be proud of the work she did on the earth. I had not been a close friend of hers, we were just acquaintances- but I remember writing her a wall post on FB on how she was doing, and she gave me the news over a message, full of positivism and..God.

I remember being shocked at her amazing strength, faith...

On the day when I got that email from her sister, I remember being stunned. BUT as with everything in my life, I numbed myself so I didn't have to deal with it. So i went to sleep. In the morning however it kinda came back to me. I was sitting there, reminded again of this news that I hid from myself..and I just cried. THIS puzzled me so, because I was not close to her at all. I didn't feel that I deserved to feel sad.

BUT whatever the reason was....I am so sorry that she's gone. I almost felt guilty. I didn't feel like I deserved to live. I numb myself every day, so I don't have to live. Here was a girl, whose short life meant SO MUCH to everyone. even me.

So...yeah. I repeated the numbing and crying process for about..3 times that day. THEN i went out to dinner with my Cripps Hall 9/20 Group to pizza express and had a good time...It's funny, how people die and life goes on like nothing happened. I felt...bad.

To be honest, I thank her for all the work of the Lord she did in everyone, and pulling me out of my numbness....

Is.

I am a mere human- I still wish that you were here on this earth with everyone who loves you, but I know that our love is nothing compared to the love you must be feeling right now. I am envious...(I hope I am not being too ungrateful about life but.) I wish I had known you better- as cliche as that sounds. I will get to know you better in heaven I hope.

God..

Keep her safe, she was such an amazing girl. Thank you for everything. Everything I was afraid to say just in case it is taken away from me. I dunno why I couldn't trust(and still can't). Thanks for Nottingham: the amazing people, the amazing times...everything. Thanks for the lesson about the way I am numbing myself- I am so sorry I've been serving the wrong God. Thanks for the internship- Thanks for listening to my prayers. Thanks for not leaving me when I deserve nothing less than that. Thanks for keeping me healthy despite my best efforts to do the opposite. Thanks for keeping me alive. When I get that glimpse of life from the 23 hours of numbness, I appreciate life and the breath that I take. I am so sorry that I am so ungrateful.

I am frankly afraid to start this week. I am afraid and fearful of life, the emptiness...but I pray that you will give me the faith and strength to move this..fear out of my life, so I can handle life. I don't want another 2 years of my life gone not alive and not dead.

Isabel. You were an amazing girl. He knew what he was doing with your life on the earth- I only wish that I can live half the life you lived- the effect you had on people, the amazing love you showed. You made me want to live and not pretend to be dead again. Although i keep numbing this message from my head, erasing it, I will endeavour to keep remembering you and the amazing work you did.

Rest in peace in Him.

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy iv. 7.

- you amazing person, Isabel , you.

Nottingham...thank you..

So I will be leaving Nottingham soon. I still have backlog of blogs to update but was feeling rather emotional so decided to write something today.

At the moment I have 4 essays due- to end my university life. I am waiting to go to hk to start working for a month...I gt my work visa sorted today so God has given me peace in terms of that.

I am gonna miss this place- at this very moment im itching to get out of uni, but Nottingham just drew short straw cuz of my five year stint, not cuz of itself. I would have loved to have been here for all of my uni years.

I learned heaps while I was here- God dealt with me specifically abt not running from life, taking care of myself better in terms of health both mentally ad physically. It was tough at first when I got here n everything unraveled but now I am sure I can continue my walk w God even when I stumble. Gosh it's hard to write on iPhone.

Anyway it's a gratitude note for God in a way ad I know some o you don't believe in God so just ignore those bits but just get a sense of how happy and blessed I feel have been able to come to notts.

Oxford and Bicester Village Trip 23-10-2010

So went to Oxford on 23 October 2010 with Travel Society. This was not a well-organised trip on their part- we had until 2:00 in Oxford, then from 2:30 to 5:30 at Bicester Village which is the place where there are outlets of well-known brands. ANYWAY.

OXFORD! I seem to be going to all the places I have already been to..

Just some pictures around the town.

Pretty yes? but the water was not that clean lol.

We were on our way to Ashmolean Museum.

Ashmolean Museum. I believe it is part of Oxford University

- The Ashmolean Museum on Beaumont Street, Oxford, England, is the world's first university museum. Its first building was built in 1678–1683 to house thecabinet of curiosities Elias Ashmole gave Oxford University in 1677.

Me and Renae at the Museum!

Me being me. AGAIN.

We got to Oxford at about 10 so we didn't have much time- so Me and Renae went our separate ways from Yun and Kat- which was okay by me because I've been to Oxford before. It was funny, I remembered the streets below from when STCC went on history trip before...:) Ahh.. good days.

We set our ways to a pub called "the Eagle and Child", a pub CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien frequented when he was a student at Oxford Uni.

Oxfam shop next door sold a lot of JRR Tolkien books.

The PUB!

The Eagle and Child is a pub in St Giles', Oxford, England which is owned bySt. John's College, Oxford. The pub had been part of an endowment belonging to University College since the 17th century. It has associations with theInklings writers' group which included J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis.

About the "Inklings" from Wikipedia:

The Inklings was an Oxford writers' group which included C. S. Lewis, J. R. R. Tolkien, Charles Williams and Hugo Dyson. From late 1933, they met on Thursday evenings at Lewis's college rooms at Magdalen, where they would read and discuss various material, including their unfinished manuscripts.These meetings were accompanied with more informal lunchtime gatherings at various Oxford pubs which coalesced into a regular meeting held on Mondays or Tuesday lunchtimes at the Eagle and Child, in a private lounge at the back of the pub known as the 'Rabbit Room'.

The formal meetings ended in October 1949 when interest in the readings finally petered out, but the meetings at the Eagle and Child continued, and it was at one of those meetings in June 1950 that C.S. Lewis distributed the proofs forThe Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

So of course we had to have our pint where the greats did. It was good. Mmmm.

Movenpick!

Then we set out to Christ Church College. The entry fees about 4.50 for a student.

Christ Church (Latin: Ædes Christi, the temple (æděs) or house (ædēs) of Christ, and thus sometimes known as The House), is one of the largest constituent colleges of the University of Oxford in England. As well as being a college, Christ Church is also thecathedral church of the diocese of Oxford, namely Christ Church Cathedral, Oxford. It should never be referred to as "Christ Church College" or "Christchurch College," mistakes commonly made in the media and elsewhere.

The college is the setting for parts of Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited, as well as Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. More recently it has been used in the filming of the movies of J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series and also the film adaptation of Philip Pullman's novel Northern Lights (the film bearing the title of the US edition of the book, The Golden Compass).

It was under construction. I suppose next time I go here(if i do) it will be done by then? I love seeing the passing of times...:)

HEHEHE. Couldn't get to the dining hall as it would open at 2:00 but we were supposed to leave then lol.

I remember these places so well...2005 isn't that long ago, apparently. :)

Alice's shop. didn't have time to go in, but pretty fun!

DO YOU REMEMBER LILY? THAT IS THE GAY PUB WE WENT AND HAD LUNCH AT IN 2005!!!! I FOUND IT! LOL

Then we went to Bicester Village. Look at all the shops!

Burberry- I bought a scarf here. LOL i thought i must do so, ahem, now that I am in England..ahem.

But the fact that we spent more time shopping than had time to spend in Oxford was a bit sad. MMMmmm.